addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
