then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
