but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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