he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
