I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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