she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
