Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
