Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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