Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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