A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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