I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
