I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
