she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
