I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
