You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
