Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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