So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
