my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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