i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
