I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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