dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
