Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
