It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
