Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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