Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
