wat bout pragnant strippers??
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
