I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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