I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
