After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
