just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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