So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
