matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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