CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
