A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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