we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
