doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
