If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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