yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
