he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
