they need to just BURY HIM!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
