Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
