If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
