His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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