I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
