What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
