Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
