FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
