Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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