I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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