i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
