i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
