If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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