dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
